This post goes out to you, Angel Mommas.
I'm sorry I never understood. I'm sorry I judged.I'm sorry I didn't remember. I'm sorry I questioned. I'm sorry for ignoring you and your angel.I'm sorry more people don't understand. I'm sorry our world expects us to just move on. I'm sorry we are going through this.
I never, EVER understood. Having 3 miscarriages myself, I thought I could relate with the pain of losing a child, but there was no way I had any idea of what you've endured, although for me the miscarriages were the closest thing. I can't even put into words what it is like. I hear from my family members people often ask them how I am doing--a simple question that they find so hard to answer.
I judged you and wondered 'really? another post/picture/conversation". Not realizing that that is all we have. The conversations/posts/pictures to make sure our children live on, entirely depends upon us to keep posting, sharing pictures, and having conversations.
I was too consumed in my own itty bitty problems to remember that you were facing struggles moment by moment. I'm sorry I forgot your angels' name on occasion. I'm sorry that I forgot that you even had an angel. People are busy. Wrapped up in their own lives, but all we want is for them to remember our angel. All lifes' problems go by the wayside, and everything comes into a new perspective that none of those itty bitty problems ever really mattered.
I questioned why you weren't over this yet? I mean after all, it happened so many months/years ago. It doesn't matter how much time passes, time passing can't heal our broken hearts. This new normal of living with overwhelming waves of grief have no expiration date. I imagine whether I'm 40 or 98, this sadness in my heart will be the same fierce pain it has been since the day my baby left this world.
I wasn't sure what to say when you lost your child, so I just didn't talk to you, or maybe I just ignored the topic. Like ignoring you or ignoring the fact that your child died is going to make everything ok. Nothing hurts more than the loss. Anyone bringing up our angel or asking how we are doing isn't going to make us sad, cause we are already there-- 24/7. This is how we are now--living with the constant reality that our child has left this Earth before us, such an unnatural event.
I'm sorry that when you have a good day, you feel guilty. I'm sorry that when you laugh, sometimes it brings you to tears. I am sorry for it all, and please know that you are not alone. Keep on keeping on
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