I remember planning out my future. Two boys and two girls. And then when it happened, boy, were my dreams unfolding before me. I fought the odds of single parenthood, met the man of my dreams, finished my degree, became a teacher, and had my perfect little family(actually big--partridge family like according to my brother-in-law LOL). Although everything wasn't perfect. I found myself annoyed and angered easily. My ...
I've looked forward to this evening for the past week. A night without anything. No football games or cheer leading practices. No baton or basketball. No church or bible study. I brought work home with every intent of checking it. I did make dinner, so there's something ;) but then after dinner, as I scrolled through my social media feed, I just felt paralyzed. And I don't think feeling paralyzed was caused by any ...
All it takes is this 40 second video I have to send me down that winding, spiral of emotions. This simply beautiful, amazing video of my sweet baby laughing, almost chuckling in fact. Everytime I watch it, I smile, and then almost instantly that smile turns into tears. What I wouldn't give, or trade, or do... I think of how I spent my time, like I had time. Like time didn't matter, that it was endless. That ...
I remember being 7, and thinking, anticipating about turning 8. When I was 8 I would be able to do so many things. And then I turned 8, thinking that on that day, something magical would happen, that somehow, in some way, I would be transformed and so much would change. That never ...
This post goes out to you, Angel Mommas. I'm sorry I never understood. I'm sorry I judged.I'm sorry I didn't remember. I'm sorry I questioned. I'm sorry for ignoring you and your angel.I'm sorry more people don't understand. I'm sorry our world expects us to just move on. I'm sorry we are going through this. I never, EVER understood. Having 3 miscarriages myself, I thought I could relate with the pain of losing ...
Some days it's like I'm watching my own Lifetime movie. I can't take credit for that, as I was speaking with another bereaved mother today she said it, and I thought, she's so right. Have you ever sat and watched a Lifetime movie? I mean it's a guarantee cry session. I try to stay away from them, for obvious reasons. Death, heaven and Jesus have become incredibly real to my family. Tonight at bedtime, I was ...
Dear Jayse, Somehow minutes have turned into hours, which have turned into days. Those days turned into weeks, which turned into months. The blink of an eye turned into my entire summer, and before I knew it 100 days have passed me by. We finished baseball ...
So we were challenged this past Sunday by our pastor to share our "eye Witness" Story of my firsthand account of the risen Jesus. I've been thinking about this all week, and tried multiple times to log onto my blog to write it, but my computer couldn't find 'connectivity'--basically ...
80 days it has been. Every single one of them I've woken up hoping this was just some sort of dream, in which I was to learn a lesson. My life would be forever changed, I would learn my lesson, and get to go back 80 days ago and this terrible, horrible thing would have never happened. When I wake up each morning, I immediately check the pack 'n play (which is still in our bedroom) to see if this nightmare is over. ...
Not every day is a horrible day. I'm just like you. We each are dealing with something, that is weighing on our hearts. But in the past 75 days, there has been some silver linings. And I thought it was important to share those too. Because this grief thing, it's not ...
So I've started this post a few times, but the reality is, I couldn't find anything meaningful to say, that I thought would help others. So I just didn't write anything. Well I didn't just NOT write anything. I typed random thoughts, in hopes that my struggles and questions would help you with whatever you may be dealing with. This week was probably the hardest week since Jayse left this world. The 4th of July ...
So one would think in today's day and age of technology and word of mouth, and of course not living in THAT big of a community, people would know things about others from their past. I mean I guess I don't know EVERY detail about people I went to High School or College with, but I would think I would have heard about the big things. Maybe that's me being self-centered or naive, or giving a darn about what's going ...
So Momma RobbieRob got me a fit bit for my birthday the other week. I know, I know I am late to the fit bit step challenge phenomena, I mean people have had these things for a couple years or so, right?! I'm always late to the cool gadget games. But better late than never ;) So I've been working hard to keep up with my family members--my dad, mom, sister, brother, sis-in-law, even one of my kids, pretty much everyone!! ...
Today's my birthday--34 years ago I was born into this world. I was blessed with an amazing family. I have lived and laughed, sinned and been saved. So on today, I wanted to share some serious, and not so serious things that I've learned in these 34 years. People is crazy (me included) I'm just stating the obvious here, but people are nuts. You have to either love 'em or ignore 'em. The saying goes we all have ...
I recently had a conversation with a friend about how things seem to be going well. She said she saw on Instagram and Facebook all the fun things my family had been doing. She, like many others, said she couldn't imagine what I had gone through, and was surprised at how 'well' I was taking the loss of my son. Well, I let her finish talking. I didn't interrupt. She really had no earthly idea what I have been through ...
