What I've learned in 34 years

Today's my birthday--34 years ago I was born into this world. I was blessed with an amazing family. I have lived and laughed, sinned and been saved. So on today, I wanted to share some serious, and not so serious things that I've learned in these 34 years.

People is crazy (me included)

I'm just stating the obvious here, but people are nuts. You have to either love 'em or ignore 'em. The saying goes we all have that one crazy aunt, but the truth is, you know at one point in your life, you were that crazy bitch. I'm gonna tell ya something, I was crazy---my husband would say that I still am. But I think it's ok to be a little crazy. It keeps things interesting, and real. To give you some insight, when my husband and I were dating, my ringtone when I would call him was Crazy Bitch by Buckcherry :) I'm sure there were quite a few people (and still are) that thought I was nuts, and they either loved me or ignored me. Years ago, I worked as a waitress. One of my favorite jobs in fact, you encounter all kinds of crazies coming in to order food. I'll never forget the first crazy I encountered as an 18 year old waitress. He was an older man, probably 65ish. During a busy lunch rush, he said to me, "Let me tell you a joke that'll knock the tits off of you......wait a minute, you've already heard it." Well, first of all, it took me a minute to even understand his joke, as I had about 10 tables I was serving--with my mind running in many different directions. As I walked away, I comprehended his idiotic joke, and realized he was insulting me, calling me flat-chested. Oh my ward---you would have thought my dog died, I cried and cried. I was so embarrassed and then of course angry that I let someone talk to me that way. And it wasn't until years later that I realized some people are just plum crazy. They have no manners, or sense for that matter. They don't care if they offend you, or maybe they don't even realize that they are offending you. It's not always easy to let their rude remarks slide off your back, but chalking up their idiocy to the fact that people is crazy helps to not take their comments so personally.  

Time goes by, way too fast

Before you know it, you're gonna have a 12 year old. You're gonna have aching bones. Your Saturday nights are going to be spent cuddling mini-yous on your couch. You are going to start wondering why you wasted so much time. So much time. Sleep truly becomes over-rated. Yes I'd love to take a nap, but then it comes down to take a nap or play Kan-Jam with my kids--my kids aren't going to be kids forever. And in a few short years, they'll be driving and doing Lord knows what. Cherish these moments, whatever they may be for you. Live in the moment. I am so guilty of having my phone out, not being fully present. That is something I'm working on. Somehow I have these big kids--12, 9, 7-- and I have no earthly idea how time has passed and they got this big. Sure I have photographs to remember them as little ones, but dealing with their attitudes and big kids problems---often times I ask, Lord how did I get here? And then there's my 3 year old--she brings back so many memories of when the older ones were that young, and I'm blessed to really be able to cherish her antics and crazy questions, and her sweet hugs and Mommy I love you's. I had Jayse for 4 1/2 months, 140 days to be exact. When you think about the number 140, it sounds rather large. But thinking about only having 140 days to spend with someone, your child---that is not nearly enough time. Those 140 days went by so fast. Luckily, knowing he was our last, I did cherish him. I loved being pregnant with him, and I love every aspect of his life here on Earth--snuggling, changing his diaper, feeding him, even those mid-night feedings. I took in every single second. Like every other event, I never expected it to end. As Buddha said, "The trouble is, you think you have time."

There are no coincidences

Ok, so how many times have you heard, "oh it's such a small world" or "what a coincidence"?  Dictionary.com defines coincidence as "a striking occurrence of two or more events at one time apparently by mere chance." No. I don't believe in chance. I have always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. When I had my oldest son Karter, as a single parent, I struggled to understand why I had to endure the heartache that I did. I was a good kid, raised in a good home, why did this happen to me?  What had I done to deserve this? It wasn't until a few years later when I met Chris, did I understand that although he is not Karters' biological father, he is the only father Karter has ever known. If I wouldn't have had Karter, I may have never went to work where I did, where I met Chris. We would have never gotten married and had 4 more children. The death of Jayse, I haven't been able to accept as easily. This will be an event I struggle with, that my family struggles with, for the rest of our lives. I play the events of that Thursday, and the days prior, over and over again in my head. Could this have been prevented? What did I do to deserve this? Why did this happen to me? One of the verses' that I've clung to the most in the past month has been John 13:7 "Jesus replied, 'You don't understand now what I am doing, but someday you will." I will never understand while after being our surprise baby, why he was taken away from me, after only getting to have him here for 4 1/2 months---at least I won't understand while I'm here on Earth. I believe at Jayse's funeral I said that I rejoice in knowing that someday we will be reunited--and knowing that that someday God will reveal his plans to me. Until then, I believe there is a rhyme and reason for all the things that happen to all, and all the people that he puts into our lives. We all have a purpose and a path, nothing happens by mere chance or coincidence.

Live Out Loud
Now maybe this is my 'crazy' coming out, but you only get one life. Sing loud, eat the cake, do what makes you happy! You're only 21, or 34, or 56 once. Every minute, week, year that goes by--you're not going to get it back. We are only getting older, and here's a secret---you aren't going to get out of this life alive. When you hear your favorite song from 1996 on the radio, crank it up and sing it! You love that bright, loud, extravagant Lularoe top---buy it! You feel yourself being pulled to what you were meant to do---do everything in your power to make it happen! You wanna put some purple in your hair, by all means, do it! Life isn't easy, it's downright hard, sucks even at times. But that doesn't mean that you can't enjoy those moments that make you happy. And yes--I sing those 90s rap songs WAYYY too loud, buy all those crazy Lularoe tops, I am doing what I love (after having 3 of my children I went back to school and made my dream a reality), and I even had my hair purple at one point. I've wasted so much time, but I like to think I've also made a lot of memories and at times lived out loud. These next 34 or more years, I'm going to be sure to live even more so 💙

Love Never Fails

In all seriousness, when you think you've tried everything. Try love. I was not in a good place a year ago. I had so much resentment and downright hatred built up towards certain members of my family. And why? To be honest, I'm not sure. I couldn't tell you. That hatred that I had in my heart consumed a lot of me.  When I found out I was pregnant with Jayse, and after he was born, I could feel myself starting to change. I was trying to let go of that hatred and anger, but it wasn't until Jayses' death can I say that I truly let go and let love in. Don't let hate consume you, let that resentment and anger go--and love. Don't wait for a tragic event, like the death of a loved one to change your heart.

💙💙💙💙Sending all my blessing 💙💙💙💙

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